To do the tasks that I feel like my soul was set to do on this earth. I think on a grand level, it’s to love. I think that’s what I want to give. In terms of applying it to my life, the work that I create as a theater maker is so important for me right now. I knew that leaving my job and dedicating 24/7 of my life into being an actor was a sacrifice. Now I really realize–actually I’m not only willing to sacrifice my time and my money for this and all the lost opportunities or whatever–yes, I will choose to be here and not see my family for maybe 6-8 months and do this. I realize that’s how important it was to me.
What was most important to you before you had to social distance?
This is so sad, but being good enough. I had such high standards for myself in terms of what I should be able to produce. I had to look a certain way, or be able to perform a certain way, or produce all these things. It wasn’t enough if I didn’t try really hard. I had to be funny, I had to sound good, and I had to look good, and I had to be able to do the things everybody else could do.
What’s the first thing you’ll do when this is over?
Go outside and walk with my friends. Hug someone. Kiss someone. Go to a pub.
What are you doing to pass the time?
I’m lucky to be keeping busy. I’m lucky enough to have kept all three of my jobs. I want to draw a deck of tarot cards for myself for devising theater–I think it could be really cool. I’m learning how to knit– I’m really really shit at it. I think what you’re doing that I really want to do, is find a way to make art at this time. I want to adapt it. I really want to make [a broadcast] album of poetry. I want to, as best as possible, capture the immediateness of theater.
What makes you happy right now?
Nature is the biggest thing. We can still go outside to exercise, and it is pretty empty. Getting the sun–it’s such beautiful weather. There’s such a gorgeous tree in a park near me. I thought I would be really lonely, but being outside more–I don’t know why, [but] I haven’t felt lonely.
What would you tell yourself a month ago with the knowledge you have today?
Be kinder to people. Be more grateful for the people you have in your life. You should be grateful to even be able to step out on the street and walk to school and go to class, and be in that shabby, smelly old building in a hot studio with 17 other people who sometimes drive you crazy. Like, just be so fucking grateful for that.