What’s most important to you right now? 

My mental health. I live alone so that’s been very challenging. Sometimes the phone is heavier to pick up when you’re in a funk. I have supportive people around me but my love language is physical touch, so I’ve found it really challenging. 

What was most important to you before you had to social distance? 

The next chapter in my life. I was opening up to that next venture in my career. I had a huge event that was supposed to take place on the 15th. I kept saying after that event I was going to open myself to the next chapter of my career. The event didn’t happen though, so what do I do now? 

What’s the first thing you’ll do when this is over? 

Probably go over to see my friends who have kids who I love and adore and just hug those children and give them so many kisses and so much love. I saw one of them who’s three years old. He’s been raised as “mommy and daddy love you, but if anything were to happen, you go to Aunt Ally. She’s your person. She’s safe.” I went over there and he wanted to throw the ball to me [from the front steps] because I’m safe. Trying to tell him he can’t play with me broke my heart. I don’t want him to get a complex that I’m not safe.

What are you doing to pass the time? 

Work has kept me very busy. Cooking. Having a lot of FaceTime catchups with family and friends who I don’t see all the time. I’ve been adding things to my apartment to make it feel more homey. I love those adult coloring books. 

What makes you happy right now?

Talking to friends and family. Doing that check-up time and getting deeper than I normally would. Being able to be there for them when they need to release, or cry, or vent and then I’m able to do the same. 

What would you tell yourself two months ago with the knowledge you have today? 

To not hold back. To not wait for things to happen or certain deadlines to take place in order for me to move forward. Don’t put my life on hold for a project. Don’t put my connections with other people on hold because of work. It’s not life or death. 

I’m strong. I’m stronger than I think I am. I can live alone, survive something very tragic. I’ve always been the person who’s like “I think I’m strong, but I need other people to make me really feel it. I need that validation, support and partnership.” Yes, that probably would have made this a little easier, but it’s not stopping me. I’m proving to myself that I’m actually really strong. 


Alexandra M-Laguna Beach

DAY 34